Why I am an Atheist.

I am an Atheist.

I haven't always been one, since I was raised Nazarene by my mother. I went to church, had fun with friends, sang songs, participated, went to church camp every year, and more. But as I was growing up, I began to question things. It had nothing to do with reading the bible and learning of all the horrible things involved in it. I just began to question why we came across as so arrogant.

I saw the world through T.V., movies, the internet, etc. I learned about all these other religions, maybe not deeply, but enough to know they felt just as strongly about their own religion as we had ours. I began to wonder, that if these people felt sure of their own religion, why is mine true, and theirs false? My religion said that they were all false, that the christian god was the only one.

I struggled with myself, wondering 'why?'. I clearly remember the wedge that finally broke me off from christianity and pushed me away from them. I had been with my mom in the car, I had asked those same questions of why her religion was right, when all these other people felt their own religion was correct. Her answer was 'Because they're wrong.'

It felt to me like a child's answer or someone that didn't care what other peoples opinions were. I stopped paying attention in church, didn't participate, or nod my head anymore. I was still 'required' to go to church, but would rather sleep in the car on a Sunday morning then to go inside. Or I slept during service.

It was during this turbulent time, that I learned that my father, whom I looked up to as an intelligent man and knew far more about math and science than I did, didn't believe in the christian god either. I was shocked. The reason I was caught by surprise, was that while he read during services, he always went to church with my mother and participated enough for the illusion to work.

He always love science and math as he grew up, but also went to church, and seemed to try to balance the two. I think he was fooling himself. But it was when my sister was born that he realized just how wrong it was. She had a very rare and very deadly disease, with 2% chance of survivability. She fought hard, had open heart surgery, and other things, but she pulled through. But some friends my parents made while waiting for their own child to survive, did not get to be so lucky. My dad realized that this world was not a world of design, that this world's suffering and pain, had no logic or reason behind it, besides random chance. There was no 'god's plan'. His reasoning, was just another nail in the coffin for any faith I had.

For many years after, I leaned more towards agnostic. A hope or belief that there is more to the world than we know. I was a comic book and manga reader, started to hope that some of the things they could do there could come true, like being able to wield Ki.

I lived in a bit of a shell, not expanding my knowledge of science, math, politics, or facts about the world. My main source of knowledge came from my father, and it was due partially to him and learning and seeing the acts of religious people.

I eventually, finally, realized that the methods of science, the scientific method, is the one thing that could actually explain the world as it is. That science would find and expose the truth if there was Ki or other 'magical' effects. Science wouldn't be abandoned at all, but simply expanded. I learned that science is open, but harsh. Extraordinary claims required extraordinary evidence.

Science didn't care about nationality, race, sex, size, beauty, or beliefs. It simply cared about truth. It cared whether something could be proved. If it didn't provide the evidence for that proof, it was discarded. If it could finally provide that evidence, it would welcome it with open arms. It would be tested and prodded to learns the extents and capabilities, but it would still accept it, until evidence said it could not.

Science was what I found to believe in. And with it, I found myself an Atheist.